An Interview with Bill Belichick’s Brain
(Going live in… 3… 2… 1…)
Hello web-land, I’m sitting here with Bill Belichick’s brain and like the rest of you, I have a horse trough full of questions to ask it. Let us find out, just what exactly was being sent through the lobes on that fateful fourth-and-two…
So what do I call you? Beli’s Cerebellum? The Bill Gray Matter? Mind Over My Hoodie?
“Well, it may surprise you, but I actually do wear a hoodie, underneath Bill’s hoodie. A little known fact is, keeping the cerebrum warm speeds up the brain waves. So I suppose calling me the Second Hoodie probably works best.
Well alrighty then. Let me start off with a softball question to get you warmed up.
Who is your favorite Patriot of all time? Tedi Bruschi? Troy Brown? Kevin Faulk?
Whoops! Bad timing on that one.
Just kidding. It’s Tom Brady.”
Brady? Seriously? I would have figured you for a tough-as-the-soles-of-your-shoes or a fills-in-more-gaps-than-Invisalign type of guy. But you go for the pretty boy. Interesting.
“Pretty boy? Would a pretty boy throw 50 touchdown passes in one season? Or win three Super Bowls? I think not.
Look Brady may not be the intellectual choice, but he is the smart one. I swear that made sense passing through my medulla oblongata. You get the point.”
I think I do. Still, unexpected.
Ok, screw it, I can’t hold off any longer Brain. What in the Parcell’s Ego Syndrome were you thinking coming out of that timeout, sending Brady and company back out there, fourth-and-two and 2:08 left on the clock?
You won’t understand. It’s a mind games type of thing.
But I’ll humor you Ben.
Look, you have to view the moment through phases.
Phase 1: The Colts record and schedule. Indy had a three game advantage over us for home field advantage throughout the playoffs, coming into this game. Look, they play Baltimore, Houston, Tennessee, Denver – reeling by the way -, Jacksonville, New York (Jets) and Buffalo. Can you honestly see them losing more than two of those games? No freakin’ way man.
Plus we won’t be going undefeated the rest of the way anyway. We still have to face Miami, New Orleans, Carolina and Jacksonville as well as New York (again, the Jets) and Houston.
We aren’t catching the Colts, whether we win this game or lose it.
Phase 2: The odds. Sure one might say the odds say that going for it on fourth-and-two isn’t the best idea. But you know what else the odds say? Peyton Manning will have his way with your defense, regardless of field position, with around one minute to play, much less two.
Phase 3: I’m a swashbuckler. I go for it when you don’t. I send messages. Bill and I wanted Peyton, and whoever his coach is, to know that we’ll go for it whenever and wherever and we’ll do it on our terms too.
Just to screw with his hanging-with-Timberlake mind, you know.
Phase 4: Regardless, ’07 Tom Brady gets me those yards 99% of the time. I just forgot which Brady I was dealing with. Still, it’s not like we were on the five. He had room to maneuver, I thought he’d get the yard… err… two yards, I mean. I totally knew we needed two yards, not one.”
Ok, I think I get it. So, essentially, you had more faith in Brady than your defense.
“Well, sort of. But let’s not sell it like that. Let’s say our defense could have and would have stopped Manning, but we wanted to mess with his mind the next time out, knowing that after a late score, his Colts might want to think twice about not choosing an onside kick, to ensure they get the ball back. Because we’re not about to give it back to him.”
But, he did get it back. On the 29. And didn’t you just tell me Manning would have his way with your defense, regardless?
So why run that play for Marshal Faulk’s cousin? You had arguably the best in between the hashes wideout in football, at your disposal in Welker.
“What part of screw with their minds aren’t you getting?
Of course I wanted to use Welk. Brady had other ideas. The guy plays them how he sees them. He wanted Kevin Faulk so he got Kevin Faulk.
Look, I’m not throwing Brady to the wolves. Well, Bill isn’t. I suppose I am, because I would have thrown it to Welker. Because I’m bright.
So Spy Gate and now the fourth down conundrum, how can you convince us that you and Bill aren’t on smack?
“I can’t, but Bill probably can. By beating the Colts in Indy, in the playoffs. And I think it’s going to happen. After all, with the money on the line and fourth-and-forever, Bill and I might just go for it.
Yeah, and it might just be a bad idea. Just like it was this time.