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An Interview with Bill Belichick’s Brain

(Going live in… 3… 2… 1…)

Hello web-land, I’m sitting here with Bill Belichick’s brain and like the rest of you, I have a horse trough full of questions to ask it. Let us find out, just what exactly was being sent through the lobes on that fateful fourth-and-two…

So what do I call you? Beli’s Cerebellum? The Bill Gray Matter? Mind Over My Hoodie?

“Well, it may surprise you, but I actually do wear a hoodie, underneath Bill’s hoodie. A little known fact is, keeping the cerebrum warm speeds up the brain waves. So I suppose calling me the Second Hoodie probably works best.

Well alrighty then. Let me start off with a softball question to get you warmed up.

Who is your favorite Patriot of all time? Tedi Bruschi? Troy Brown? Kevin Faulk?

Whoops! Bad timing on that one.

“Paul Revere.

Just kidding. It’s Tom Brady.”

Brady? Seriously? I would have figured you for a tough-as-the-soles-of-your-shoes or a fills-in-more-gaps-than-Invisalign type of guy. But you go for the pretty boy. Interesting.

“Pretty boy? Would a pretty boy throw 50 touchdown passes in one season? Or win three Super Bowls? I think not.

Look Brady may not be the intellectual choice, but he is the smart one. I swear that made sense passing through my medulla oblongata. You get the point.”

I think I do. Still, unexpected.

Ok, screw it, I can’t hold off any longer Brain. What in the Parcell’s Ego Syndrome were you thinking coming out of that timeout, sending Brady and company back out there, fourth-and-two and 2:08 left on the clock?

You won’t understand. It’s a mind games type of thing.

But I’ll humor you Ben.

Look, you have to view the moment through phases.

Phase 1: The Colts record and schedule. Indy had a three game advantage over us for home field advantage throughout the playoffs, coming into this game. Look, they play Baltimore, Houston, Tennessee, Denver – reeling by the way -, Jacksonville, New York (Jets) and Buffalo. Can you honestly see them losing more than two of those games? No freakin’ way man.

Plus we won’t be going undefeated the rest of the way anyway. We still have to face Miami, New Orleans, Carolina and Jacksonville as well as New York (again, the Jets) and Houston.

We aren’t catching the Colts, whether we win this game or lose it.

Phase 2: The odds. Sure one might say the odds say that going for it on fourth-and-two isn’t the best idea. But you know what else the odds say? Peyton Manning will have his way with your defense, regardless of field position, with around one minute to play, much less two.

Phase 3: I’m a swashbuckler. I go for it when you don’t. I send messages. Bill and I wanted Peyton, and whoever his coach is, to know that we’ll go for it whenever and wherever and we’ll do it on our terms too.

Just to screw with his hanging-with-Timberlake mind, you know.

Phase 4: Regardless, ’07 Tom Brady gets me those yards 99% of the time. I just forgot which Brady I was dealing with. Still, it’s not like we were on the five. He had room to maneuver, I thought he’d get the yard… err… two yards, I mean. I totally knew we needed two yards, not one.”

Ok, I think I get it. So, essentially, you had more faith in Brady than your defense.

“Well, sort of. But let’s not sell it like that. Let’s say our defense could have and would have stopped Manning, but we wanted to mess with his mind the next time out, knowing that after a late score, his Colts might want to think twice about not choosing an onside kick, to ensure they get the ball back. Because we’re not about to give it back to him.”

But, he did get it back. On the 29. And didn’t you just tell me Manning would have his way with your defense, regardless?

“Stop it.”

So why run that play for Marshal Faulk’s cousin? You had arguably the best in between the hashes wideout in football, at your disposal in Welker.

“What part of screw with their minds aren’t you getting?

Of course I wanted to use Welk. Brady had other ideas. The guy plays them how he sees them. He wanted Kevin Faulk so he got Kevin Faulk.

Look, I’m not throwing Brady to the wolves. Well, Bill isn’t. I suppose I am, because I would have thrown it to Welker. Because I’m bright.

So Spy Gate and now the fourth down conundrum, how can you convince us that you and Bill aren’t on smack?

“I can’t, but Bill probably can. By beating the Colts in Indy, in the playoffs. And I think it’s going to happen. After all, with the money on the line and fourth-and-forever, Bill and I might just go for it.

Yeah, and it might just be a bad idea. Just like it was this time.

  1. stewmanji
    November 18, 2009 at 9:19 PM

    I just want to know: why no one is bringing up the 4th down attempt in the Super Bowl against the Giants? He doesn’t trust the defense or the special teams in big games.

  2. kmldog777
    November 18, 2009 at 11:03 PM

    First of all it shouldn’t of mattered. Every replay clearly shows that Faulk got the first down. He bobbled it but secured it before he was knocked back. The official making the call could not see the front of the player. How in the world does he know where or where it was not caught. If there was a camera from the other side it would have been even clearer. Secondly the 4th down call was not at all the problem in my opinion. The only call that bothered me was our third down call. If we are in fact going to go for it on 4th down, then on 3rd down you have to run it. 1) they will not be expecting the run, 2) Faulk had been tearing up the Indy D all night, and 3) you will bring the clock down to 2 minute warning or waste the last indy timeout. You have a 50/50 shot at worse of picking up the first, and probably at least an 80% chance of gaining at least 1 yard. That will set you up on 4th for the kick after the 2 minute warning, the QB sneak which the patriots are like 88 for the last 88 on QB sneaks, or you can run the same play you ran that didnt work. By throwing it on third though – it seemed to screw it all. If you are going to kick it on 4th then I dont mind the pass on third. Overall though, it is probably the right call. We all know Manning was driving on the Pats. If we had been in New England Brady would of most likely driven on the Colts if it was reversed. How bout next time Maroney doesn’t fumble into the end zone. It is also annoying when Mark Shlerea, or whatever, complains about it being an awful decision, and to let your defense make the stand. Do they not remember the 1:45 second drive for a TD about 3 minutes earlier? It’s like they pretend that didn’t happen. Plus with the Colts getting a ridiculous PI call at the end it was our only chance to win. I will go anti Porter and say the Pats always get calls against them. It is ridiculous. The worst ever, being in the Bronco Pats playoff game a few years ago. Oh well,

    • stewmanji
      November 19, 2009 at 9:22 PM

      “Our?” I did not know you were on the team, this is amazing!

  3. kmldog777
    November 19, 2009 at 11:39 PM

    Right Stew, because crowds mean nothing. Especially within football? Oh wait, home crowds mean everything. They are the 12th man, the difference maker, a 6 point swing on a Vegas line. I believe the fan can call themself a part of the team. As soon as we make a difference for one team or another, we are a part of that team. However then I will receieve the smart alleck comment well were you at the game? And I would say no I wasn’t, I was only cheering for them at home. Thus we would debate whether negative and positive energy can in fact impact what is going on in the world, aka stupid “the Secret” book style. But then I would simple argue that my financial contributions over the years to Patriot paraphernalia has allowed the orginization that I like to purchase extra players, or maybe improve the condition of the stadium for the people that were able to attend the game that I was sending positive energy to. So thus yes I was a part of the team. We our the Patriots, and that sir is amazing.

    • stewmanji
      November 21, 2009 at 2:21 PM

      Well I think the Hoodie just cut you because you couldn’t help pick up the yardage nor did your positive energy help in getting the right personnel out on the field. It certainly did not help you win that Super Bowl against the Giants. In fact, if you guys are the difference makers (only a three point swing in Vegas by the way) then you guys have sucked up the past few years. I think you need to retire and be replaced by some younger fans who have more speed and length. In fact maybe in free agency you can pick up some Steeler fans, they seem to have helped their team to the championship more then Pats fans, especially in the last few years. Heck you might want to pick up a Cardinal fan or two, you know, for defense.

  4. kmldog777
    November 21, 2009 at 9:58 PM

    Oh stew. Poor little fella. Who apparently didn’t get past pre algebra. If it’s a pick em game, so the line is at 0, and the pats are home the line would go to -3 pats. But if the Colts were home it would move to -3 Indy. Thus the line only moves three points off the original line, however that creates a 6pt swing from being home to being away. Take that “King of Commenting”.

    • stewmanji
      November 22, 2009 at 11:56 AM

      If you took physics in school instead of algebra you would know that your math is correct but your logic is flawed in applying it. Since games do not happen in a vacuum the pick is made and then home field applied. So there really is no swing. So we could say home field is a three point tilt or push because a swing comes back and those points are not coming back unless you tease them somewhere else.
      But since you are focused on math then the equation to follow from your latest comment is that Pats fans suck and Steeler fans are awesome.

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