Home > The Hodge Podge > The Hodge Podge: Stupid is as Stupid Does

The Hodge Podge: Stupid is as Stupid Does

Erin Andrews

Consider my mind blown. The number of asinine happenings in the wonderful world of sports of late is simply staggering. So many bad decisions, so little time to squeeze into of my bad idea jeans.

It’s time for The Hodge Podge…

“You wanna settle old scores, you’re on the wrong team. We move forward starting right now. We start becoming a team RIGHT NOW!”

This one, courtesy of Herb Brooks, goes out to Oprah. Or Erin Andrews’ PR guy. Screw it, this one goes to them both, for airing E.A.’s reintroduction to the general public, post-peephole, a week from Friday. Also known nationwide as, September 11.

I know, I know, it seems like a bad Family Guy Joke.

Peter: “Yeah, it’s just like that one time I went on the most popular talk show in America, to steal the nation’s attention away from the memory of a catastrophe and onto me talking about that other time when someone video taped me naked in a hotel room…”

(Cut to hotel room.)

Creepy Videographer: “Yeah baby, do those normally boring everyday tasks, now significantly less boring with you being naked.”

Peter: (folding clothes) “Hey c’mon guy, get a good close up of these khakis, look at this crease, it’s pristine!”

(Cut back to talk show.)

Host: … And that made you feel used right? Abused! (Turns to audience…) We cannot allow things like this to happen!

No, we can’t, but yes it is about to. Andrews was wronged, violated in a way no human being should ever experience, but still, you’d think someone in her camp would have the sense to either request the show to air her episode a day earlier, the next Monday, or if need be to take it to another platform/ show which has an open time slot a bit more appropriate for the nation’s undivided attention. Which E.A. will obviously have.

“You know, I believe we have two lives.”

“How… what do you mean?”

“The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.”

The T-Wolves learned life with Roy Hobbs Ricky Rubio and now they have to live without him – at least until 2011. I’ve had multiple conversations with friends the past few days, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out what the Timberwolves were thinking.

Ricky Rubio's just a regular goofy guy, you know, the kind who sandbags an NBA team into taking him when he can't be bought out by one. Yaah... goofy.

Ricky Rubio's just a regular goofy guy, you know, the kind who sandbags an NBA team into taking him when he can't be bought out by one. Yeah... goofy.

They knew the NBA only permits a $500,000 maximum buyout but the asking price was $8.11-million. Certainly they could have expected with Rubio wanting to move onto bigger and better things (a bit generous, considering he would have gone to Minnesota…) they could have chopped that rate down a peg or two. But what were they expecting, that JKV Joventut would just give him away?

So now here they sit, with a wasted fifth overall pick and Rubio moving onto Barcelona, who had the pockets without the restrictions, to meet JKV Joventut halfway, with a $5.28-million buyout.

On the flip side, Rubio loses next to nothing. The 19-year-old has another two years to up his game, before re-entering the NBA Draft in 2011. He also doesn’t have to pay the remainder of the lofty, get-out-of-jail-for-only-$8.11-million-card. Which would have been ludicrous for one to expect him to have been able to afford and willing to pay, on a rookie’s salary.

Endorsement deals? Sure, but he’s not LeBron, he won’t net a near $100-million shoe deal upon signing.

Which begs the question: What was Minnesota really expecting to happen here?

“I haven’t even told my father about the scholarship I didn’t get. I’m gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.”

It appears Denver Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall can relate to Caddyshack stud, Danny Noonen. While I wouldn’t prefer to live in Colorado either, I’m not sure I’d compare playing NFL football in Denver to working in a lumberyard. But that’s how Marshall has been acting judging by his holdout and pouting.

The Broncos finally suspended their star receiver for the rest of the preseason — wow, now there’s a cruel and unusual punishment — but it’s really just a put-off.

What’s a put-off ,you ask? Well, since you asked, typically it’s known as a method where 8-year-olds who’d rather wait, pull off a sit/ squat maneuver, where they sort of crouch down on a leg folded underneath their behind, squeeze there cheeks together, barricade the gates and hold off the enemy army.

You mean? Bingo. Poop – delayed… until later my stinky brown friend.

Wait, that’s not what the Broncos were doing at all.

Where am I?

“What? I didn’t ‘break’ it, I was just testing its durability, and then I ‘placed’ it in the woods because it’s made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.”

I picture Scott Pioli using this Happy Gilmore reference to explain the Chiefs’ depleted checking account to team owner, Clark Hunt.

Probably shouldn’t have gauranteed Matt Cassel $28-million. Not the smartest idea. He’s only slated to miss between two and four weeks with his MCL sprain, but still it screams of misfortunes to come.

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