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Got Mail?: Preview

Alec Baldwin

Was our last Got Mail? blog really on March 12? Wow, this preview edition is even more belated than KFC’s realization that specializing a business around something fried in a calorie-counting America, is dumber than an MLB player getting caught trying to use a whizzinator in a drug test.

Before we get started, let’s send a special thank you to those of you who have helped fill my inbox with some great e-mails the past two months. If you haven’t submitted an e-mail of your own yet, fear not my friends, it isn’t too late for you. There is still time to get your own questiony-goodness in the mix.

In winning the 2009 NBA Draft Lottery, the Los Angeles Clippers pulled of the biggest upset since Tina Fey managed to resurrect her career by somehow stumbled into a role co-staring in a hilarious TV series, with comic genius, Alec Baldwin.

(Haha, “Run over there and grab that sack right there. Now shake the coins out of it.” Priceless. Alec Baldwin, you can do no wrong.)

(“Can I use my other hand?” Ok… I have to stop, I’m getting dangerously close to having to edit out my own commentary.)

(Ok one more… “Oh look honey I’m playing with my Wii!”)

(Now I’m done.)

Seriously… even with the third best odds, fans (what are left of them.) expected nothing more than heart-ache, and were pleasantly surprise – wait… “pleasantly surprised” doesn’t even begin to describe the jubilation induced by the Clips, a team who has historically performed worse in the clutch than this pathetic Blink-182 rendition on Jay Leno.

(Man what happened to those guys? Tom Delonge’s singing sounds more painful than if he put his nails to a chalkboard for three-and-a -half minutes.)

(I’m actually going to have nightmares after listening to that. No kidding.)

Where was I? I’m totally thrown off my game after that one… ah yes… the Clippers. Since hitting it big last night, my inbox has seen a massive push of Clips e-mails. This was once of my favorites:

Jason, CA

Come on! I get the Clipper excitement, I really do. But aren’t you all overlooking the most important detail in all of this? Mike Dunleavy is obviously making a push for the Guinness Book of  World Records for the longest string of completely, utterly detrimental moves, with the intent of crippling an organization, without getting fired. I can’t decide if he is just going to out-right take Rubio with the first overall pick, or package the pick with Eric Gordon to make a deal with the Lakers, netting Andrew Bynum and Jordan Farmar. You know something ridiculous like that is going to happen, Dunleavy has an obsession with underwhelming, gun-shy centers.

Ben: You don’t have to convince me that I should fear for my franchise, even in this seemingly, no-way-they-can-screw-this-one-up situation. Because they can screw it up. And they usually do.

That Lakers deal you came up with actually makes a ton of sense… for the Lakers. I don’t see Bynum ever reaching the potential executives set for him before the knee injury. He is a big burly guy who should dominate the glass, but doesn’t because he plays timid now. It’s like the quarterback who will only take three-step drops in his post-concussion state.

Farmar just stinks. Which of course means it’s just a matter of time before he joins the other team in the Staples Center.

Luckily that trade will never happen. The Lakers won’t offer it because they will underestimate Dunleavy’s lack of a basketball intelligence. Why? I have no idea.

Nothing would surprise me here, not even the Clips dealing the pick and Marcus Camby — in the last year of his deal — to Phoenix for Shaq.

Ultimately though, I think they play this one right and draft Blake Griffin. It’s the common-sense move. Which means it shouldn’t happen. But I think it will.

I’m holding out hope L.A. is planning on canning Dunleavy a week or so before the draft. Since they don’t need to do any additional preparation for the first round, they would have the luxury of entering the draft with a freshly minted GM to go along with the new head coach. And if it doesn’t, Cory and I may have to “Celtic Pride” him.

Whoops! I’m prematurely spilling the beans on another e-mail…

  1. wstuchell
    May 24, 2009 at 11:44 PM

    So Benji, I was curious as to your take on the fact that the Padres have just pulled off a 9-0 homestand. Yet, only today did they play their way to .500. Is that as sad a statement as I think it is?

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