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Santonio Holmes celebrates his Spuer Bowl MVP award, while fantasy owners everywhere weep.

Santonio Holmes celebrates his Super Bowl MVP award, while fantasy owners everywhere weep.

Many of our readers who have been with us since the tmof.com days, know that from time to time I actually try and give back to the community a bit by answering a few e-mails you send in. Sometimes I’ll give a little forewarning so you guys know to pour in the questions, but far more frequently I’ll just bring the heat when you least expect it.

You sent questions, and I’m giving you everything you are looking for and more. Let’s get right to it.

Casey, Tempe AZ

Tell it to me straight doc; that WAS an incomplete pass right? Why am I even asking? Not reviewing that pass was the biggest boner since the screw-job Ed Hochuli gave the Chargers earlier in the season. HOW COULD THEY NOT REVIEW THAT PLAY? IT’S THE SUPER BOWL FOR CRAP’S SAKE!!!

Ben: I received more of these emails than I can count. Honestly, I don’t know if that last “fumble” by Warner was the right call or not, but those complaining about the non-review, hit it right on the head. There is no way on God’s green flipin Earth a play like that, in any game, let alone one the magnitude of the Super Bowl, should ever go un-reviewed. Ever. Ever.

Wait… one more time…


Rick, CA

Knowing Dan Miller’s awkward feelings for Michael Phelps, how’s the little guy doing after the bong-hit-heard-round-the-world?

Ben: Not well Rick. His optimism for life has been completely shattered. Right now he’s like that kid who spends an entire month making a lego-utopia, and when he finally, carefully puts the last piece into place, in rumbles his pee-brained older brother soaring through the air, and to the kid’s despair, perfectly executes a flying elbow drop right smack in the center of the immaculate castle. Dan feel just like that right about now.

Ryan R., Merced CA

Quick question; what exactly is a shankapotomus, and where can I get one?

Ben: If I’m not mistaken its place of origin was Buffalo, New York. It’s a wee little creature, and tends to extricate its feces on itself when around hoards of spectators.

Where can you get one? No clue. The last shankapotamus was seen January 27, 1991.

Ben: Don’t confuse this grand creature with the skankapotamus.


J-Rock, Rainy Washington

Enough of football, talk about a real sport for once. Who will win the 2009 World Series?

Ben: Wow. I can’t even begin to tackle this one yet. There are too many offseason moves yet to be completed. Let’s revisit this in a month or so.

Ben: Let’s tackle an MLB question I’m in a better position to put my stamp on.

Terry, Newport Beach CA

LA offered Manny one-year and $25 mil today. Is he going to take it? Isn’t that a bit on the light side? I can’t shake the feeling SF is going to get him, and if it happens I’m coming for Colletti’s head!

Ben: It’s really quite simple, the answer is no. Manny won’t take a one-year offer. Scratch that, if you are a Dodger fan you are hoping and praying Manny doesn’t take the offer. Here’s why; while it looks like a slightly better offer than the original two-year-$45 mil offer LA first put on the table, it’s not.

Yes, a one-year deal would allow Manny to re-emerge back into the market next year when presumably the economy will be slightly more stable, and MLB teams will be back to their former free-spending ways, but in reality it’s just another undercut the Dodgers are jabbing team Manny with, if nothing else because they can.

As I’ve written before, LA may not be bidding against many (or any) other teams, and refuse to outbid themselves; but this isn’t their typical business decision. With Manny the only thing worse than having to see him wearing another team’s jersey, would be seeing him in Dodger blue, with his face Cardinal red.

Point being, you don’t want to employ a mad Manny, but with the batty revenue and crazy production he brings to the table, you do want him on your team. You just want him happy. How do you make him happy? Good question, but a team can begin by making him feel like his worth matches the money he’s making.

The Dodgers will come to their senses (hopefully) and sign him to a minimum of two-years $50 mil with an option year or two.

Dave, Long Beach


Ben: Me too Dave, me too.

Jeff, MN

What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial? Bud Light just needs to stop. Drinkability is going to make me put my head through my TV.

Ben: I’ll do you one better; my top five, in reverse order, complete with complimentary links.

5) HIGH LIFE!!! How can a one second commercial for a really crappy beer crack my top five? How can it not?!? The more I watch it the more I love it.

4) Priceline- Shatner in Your Ear Why Shatner when I am most certainly not a Treky? Because Treky or not, the only thing better than a little Shatner, is a little Shatner with an East Asian twist.

3) Coke Zero- Mean Joe Polamalu Officially the first Coke Zero commercial I have ever even remotely enjoyed. A great parody of the Mean Joe Greene original.

Ok, while I did enjoy it, there is no way I can stomach putting a parody in my top five. Let’s try No. 3 again.

3) Teleflora.com- Sassy Flowers In no way do I care that women everywhere are now boycotting this business. The way the nerdy guy says “I’d like to see you naked” at the end makes it worth being publicly scorned by women everywhere. Like it or not ladies, Teleflora.com is the new king of the flower industry.

I may go make an order right now…

2) Careerbuilder.com- Koala’s Getting Punched in the Face Simply brilliant! As Britton said yesterday, I could watch a Koala get punched in the face all night.

It’s an added bonus that the koala is wearing glasses. Who doesn’t like knocking someones’ glasses off? What, just me?

1) Pepsi- MCGRUBER!!! Is McGruber No.1 because it actually has MacGyver in on the spoof? Is it No. 1 because Pepsi took a stab in the dark, and somehow picked one of the few current long running funny SNL sketches? Or is it No. 1 because he changes his name to Pepsuber?

It could be any of these reasons. My reason is for the get-out-of-jail-free-catch-phrase factor. It immediately becomes one of those phrases you can shout out after saying virtually anything, requiring a laugh from the person you just offended.

For example, say I tell Britton he is a smelly man lover, who reeks of week-old bean dip. He’d be pretty pissed right? Yeah, but if I follow up by belting out MCGRUBER!!! in song, not only is he required to laugh it off, but more than likely he will piggy-back it with a PEPSUBER!!! of his own.

Feel free to try it at home.

J.J., SD

How ticked should I be that Santonio Holmes slept through the entire fantasy season, only to break out in the Super bowl? He was my first pick in my fantasy keeper league draft (not our first season) and did so much nothing I couldn’t even unload him at the deadline for Mewelde Moore. I hate my life.

Ben: J.J. if anyone feels your contempt, it’s me, or Britton. We too drafted Mr. Rubber Ducky to be our keeper league hero. Long story short, he wasn’t.

Feel free to kick him in the nads if you ever see him in a parking lot.

Steve, Dayton

Dude, why are you so obsessed with Brenda Warner? Don’t you remember the man spikes? C’mon Bates, you’re better than that!

Ben: Have you seen her lately? Were you even watching the game? Long gone is the dirty grey, way too much gel, spikes. My theory is Brenda Warner actually died a few years back, and Kurt realized he is a two-time NFL MVP, and Super Bowl Champion, and married one of the greatest show on turf cheerleaders.

That or Brenda Warner enhanced. Either way, most males like the changes.

Alright that’s it for this edition. Keep the emails coming, and we’ll do this again soon.

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