Home > College Football > Rick Reilly Was Not The Spokesman Utah Wanted

Rick Reilly Was Not The Spokesman Utah Wanted

179897553_95d238efb3Fresh off another heart warming tale of young athletes in prison, finding love and acceptance from a folksy, community-loving Rick Reilly, who attacks the BCS with a vigor that the NCAA and bowl presidents have never seen.   His muse? The University of Utah Fighting Utes!

Argue with this, please. I beg you.

No, Rick. I’m no fool. I know better than to get into the Octogon with you.

Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It’s been so long since I cared. Something from Sears?

BAM. In one swoop, he cheapens the BCS, mocks it, and then turns it on its ears with a biting comment regarding a big box company no one likes to shop at. ESPN is going to have to get their ombudswoman on this situation. Hold him back!

So that’s it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now.

I was waiting for someone to state Utah’s case from 2004. And you have to appreciate Reilly’s folksy style. Using incomplete and fragment sentences makes him more accessible. Smart fella, that Urban Meyer. Say, it’s a mite bit chilly outside. Better throw on the thermal. It’s warm, you know.

“What else do we have to prove?” asks Utah’s magical quarterback, Brian Johnson.

I’m pretty sure Brian Johnson has never been called magical before in his life. And I’m almost positive that he isn’t a big fan of being called one by Reilly. This was the only part of the article where I felt kind of uncomfortable. Cinderella getting glass slippers was magical. Magic Johnson was magical. Kate Hudson is contractually obligated to call something magical in every film. I’m pretty sure Brian Johnson wants nothing to do with being magical. Or maybe he does? Who am I to judge?

What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What?

It just slays me. It really does.

No, Rick. Your magical wit slays me.

Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who wants a playoff and wants it yesterday.

You know, because Brand reports directly to the sitting president. You had no idea the NCAA was in the executive branch, did you?

Ask Brand what he’s going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust hearings against the BCS. The Utah Attorney General has already launched an investigation into that very thing. Or ask him what he’ll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into this secret club called the BCS.

If Obama really digs his hands into the BCS matter, he’ll get skewered more than Congress ever did about steroids. People are losing jobs left and right.  Whole towns are shutting down because factories are packing up. We’re fighting two wars. Paris Hilton is still alive. Yet the President of the United States is going to take 3-4 hours a day to threaten economic sanctions against BCS schools until we have a playoff. Ohio State and Cuba will finally share something in common.

Until all these people do the right thing, I’ll be celebrating with the true national champions—the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)

This guy makes way more money than you do. Go ahead. Mull that over.

  1. Doug
    January 8, 2009 at 5:08 PM

    Reilly made a decent argument. However, teams like USC typically only have a few cupcakes on the schedule. With Utah, getting the like of San Diego State, Wyoming, UNLV and New Mexico is not quite like Ohio State playing Michigan, Penn State and the like.

  2. Chris
    January 8, 2009 at 7:52 PM

    I refuse to even click on Reilly links. I’m afraid adding one more to his hit counter will prolong his tenure at the WWL. It’s hard to believe he once wrote quality stuff for SI.

  3. Britton
    January 9, 2009 at 3:15 PM

    Rick Reilly is great. And by great, I mean… if I was a 65 year old man who loved quips more than anything else about a writer, I’d love him.

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